Monday, 23 April 2012

Fire Under My Ass

So I haven't been posting like I intended. I'm annoyed with myself for that. Working overtime, trying to keep up with school, working more overtime and other challenges have just kept me away. I've been having a lot of issues with getting sleep and to be honest it's starting to show. My eyes are already huge and dark circles and bags do not look good on me.

Updates within the last few weeks include roadblocks, created by non other than myself. I have this very bad habit of snacking on non Medifast foods... Nature Valley Granola, Apple Jacks, Green Tea that's a little on the sweet side and all sorts of crap. A few weeks ago my boyfriend went away for a week and I missed him so bad that I ended up eating three Haagen Daz Cookies and Cream Bars within a 24hr. period! I consider myself the pitts!! Is this an excuse? Hell no, it's just an honest representation of the shit that I do, that I know I shouldn't.

Fortunately for me, I haven't gained, but my weightlos is slow, averaging about 2lbs a week. Imagine what could happen if I didn't eat off plan food.
I've heard from a few people that the difference can be seen in my neck, my double chin is gone (didn't even notice I had one) and my arms look a little smaller. My complaint, well not really a complaint is that I don't see any type of change. Now, I know based on my scale that I've lost at least 20lbs. I am certainly not complaining because I know that the weight is coming off even with my cheating. I know that there's also a high probability that even more would come of if I stick to the plan 100%. But I'm guessing my problem lies in the fact that I didn't realize just how weight I had gained.

Yesterday morning my boyfriend told me that he's happy for me and he can tell that I'm trying harder to not cheat. He's going to push me and treat me like a child until it becomes second nature. We have had lots of conversations where he praises me and tells me how good I'm looking and he's so excited for me. My attitude has just been ho-hum because my tank of a stomach is still occupying the front of me. I know it won't go away over night but I'm patiently waiting for the progress, I just don't see it yet.
So, Mr. decided to send me a picture of myself that was taken on a trip to the doctor last year October. When I opened the picture I couldn't wait to go home and kick his ass for even keeping it. I looked like someone stuck an airhose up my ass and aired me up just before I reached the peak of popping. Oh my God! When I got home he showed me some other pictures where you can tell that I was bigger (it shows in my face). I was mortified to say the least. Talk about fire under my ass to fly straight. As much as I wanted to cry, I appreciated it in a weird sense. I guess that opened the door for him to make fun of my weight and tell me, "Now that, was the really Chunki Munchi."

So, here's to trying even harder to stay on plan, getting in more exercise (walking isn't so bad) and finding more time for me. I'm lucky to still be losing while eating non plan foods. I don't want to be taking those risks anymore, nor do I suggest that anyone else try.


Sunday, 25 March 2012

Almost Time for My Second Order

With less than two weeks before the end of the month, I'm constantly rearranging, adding and deleting, and trying to make sure that I order something that I'm supposed to like.  What's more interesting is that I've added all three flavors, the chocolate chip, the spiced and the original.  I would have never thought that I would've began to like them.  After being able to use the lite Laughing Cow creamy swiss, that has made all the difference.

I have finished the banana and strawberry cream shakes.  The more I drink them I am able to tolerate them but I definitely wouldn't be ordering them again. My order will have just the french vanilla, dutch chocolate and swiss mocha as cold drinks.  My hot drinks will include the chai latte and the capuccino.  I the hot chocolate was okay in the beginning however, I'm not feeling it anymore.

I've nixed both the chicken noodle and the chicken and wild rice, opting for the cream of broccoli and and cream of chicken.  I have learned that it is best to prepare these soups in advance.  The vegetables and chicken become a little more moist and tender versus being uncomfortably crunchy, and the flavors are a littel bit brighter.

I'm trying the vanilla and chocolate puddings along with the coffee softserve, I think.  I've nixed the chocolate mint stuff, no bars or soft serve.  It's just not for me.  I'm trying the caramel crunch, the strawberry and the s'more bars.  I'm getting one more box of apple cinnamon oatmeal and I'll be trying the peach. 

Getting it in...

Thursday, 22 March 2012

People Say the Darnest Things...

Two days ago I went walking up the hill towards my apartment.  On the way down I found myself wondering, “What in the world did I do to deserve this?”  It was pretty challenging.  I had to keep reminding myself of why I’m doing this.  I don’t want to be fat anymore.  That’s the bottom line. As I walked up the hill, my legs burned, there was a pain in my side I felt like I wanted to die, cry, and throw myself down, anything to not have to walk up this hill.  Thirty minutes later, I was at the top of the hill.  Thinking that I was going to go to sleep I went home to wind down.  Minutes later I was on the street running errands.  I did not sleep a wink.  I went to work and was up all night like I took some uppers.

I must say that it felt pretty good after it was all said and done.  The squad that I work with are all now on this weight loss challenge at work.  We decided that we’ll go walking several times a week.  I also have a cousin on the TSFL plan and I committed to go walking with her too.  I’m pretty sure that there will be days when I end up walking or doing some other form of exercise twice.  I guess it’s okay, I’ll do what I have to do and more exercise will be better for me.  I just hope that I’m able to get some sleep in addition to all the other things that I have going on.

Now today, once again I couldn’t sleep.  I got in and out of bed so many times that I was getting annoyed with myself and decided to go do the laundry.  I got in two loads and on my way back to my apartment for the third I ran into an older lady.  The conversation goes like this;

Old Lady: Miss are you doing your laundry?

Me: Yes I am, but there is one washer available.

Old Lady: So, will you be using the machines again?

Me: After this last load in the washer no.

Old Lady: Have you lived here all the time?

Me: Yes, I’ve been living here all the time.  I pass you downstairs almost every morning.

Old Lady:  I don’t recall, but you’re gaining a lot of weight.

Now, I was so offended, and maybe I should’ve told her.  This really  hurt, especially after losing ten pounds in three weeks.  I went back to my apartment and shed tears.  I was so hurt.  If you don’t remember me, why include that I’m gaining weight?  It was so off the wall that I really regret not telling her to kiss my ass.

Thank God for my boyfriend who spent the rest of the day reminding me of all the reasons that he fell in love with me.  Even those made me cry.  I just can’t fathom or understand why people choose weight as the first thing to comment on.  Then if my attitude changes towards her and I no longer say anything I become a bad person.

It’s more motivation to reach goal.

Monday, 19 March 2012

I am Feeling Great...

I am feeling so good right about now I just had to document it.
I have the best mother in the world and every time I talk to her my day just gets better.  She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I'm just so in love with my mother right now. 
My boyfriend and I have also been spending a lot more time together and I just get the feeling like I'm falling head over heels in love all over again.  He makes me feel so pretty and special.  Our busy work schedules have always just prevented us from having quality time.

I'm just feeling a little extra blessed to have such wonderful and supportive people in my life. 
Another thing that I'm happy about is that I passed one of my online courses with a very high grade after falling three weeks behind and struggling like mad to catch up.  I take courses at Capella University Online. The classes are good but with a busy schedule like mine it's easy to fall behind and hard as nails to catch up. 

Yesterday, I succeeded in drinking half my body weight in water.  I drank 7 bottles of 16.9oz. bottles and I felt awesome.  I was a little sea sick but I'm hoping I can get over that and drink even more!  I haven't lost my goal of ten as yet but hopefully I'll see something by Thursday. 

The original goal was to do a video each day but I noticed that it is an unrealistic goal for me with all that I have going on.  I'm committing to doing a video each month versus having a - week 1 - 7 etc, video.  I just can't do that right now.  I need to weed out some of the unnecessary things that I'm doing so that I can be more productive.

Well that's just my two cents for now... until later!

I got that feeling ;)

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Sink or Swim...

So, it's been a matter of weeks before I was last able to blog about anything of substance. For starters, I am still doing TSFL. I guess I now have no choice but to count the first two weerks as a trial and error period. I did manage to lose a few pounds, seven to be exact but with Mother Nature around I have put back on three.

I'm doing a lot better than I originally thought and I'm learning to love some of the things that I said that I didn't like, except the fruit punch drink! I have been drinking the banana creme and the strawberry shake, trying to get rid of them and guess what? I can now tolerate them. Weird right? Don't get me wrong, I will not be ordering them again but they are not as bad as when I first tried them. Now the pancakes... I have had them for the past three days in a row. I added one tsp. of baking powder, 2 tsp. of cinnamon, 1 tsp. of vanilla and just a tad less water than the recipe calls for. I let the batter sit for a minute or two until it comes to a thicker consistency. I then spray my warm pan with some Pam and prepare two cakes like I would normal ones. Now, if left plain they will just taste like a cinnamon version of the same pancakes that I can't stand. The good part about it now is that I found out that Laughing Cow Cheese is considered a 'healthy fat' and I can use the light version as a condiment. I use one wedge to spread the delicious goodness over each pancake and dig in, bottle of water right next to my plate. Sadly, I have been having it with two slivers of avocado. I really thought that I was doing myself a favor by learning to love the pancakes and having avocado with it. Not!! Avocado is strictly off limits on this plan. Too bad I found out after I had it for three days in a row. I was so depressed. I felt like I'll never get out of the 250's ;(.

I have been so busy with school that it just added to my slip ups and fall downs. Since day one I have had quite a few that I'm recovering (no longer crying and beating myself up over) from;

1. Accidental chicken nuggets (It was the second day into the plan and I forgot that I was taking on new habits).
2. Not eating all five mandatory meals (I work the night shift, I missed my last two meals because I slept through).
3. Not drinking enough water (I am not an avid water person, unless I'm showering).
4. Having a colada w/out alcohol (One for a birthday party, the other three days later at breakfast).
5. Eating such a large egg omlette as a lean and green (See, the colada I had for breakfast).
6. Having Girl Scout cookies - thin mints ;(.
7. Eating a slice and a half of pepperoni pizza (This was pure greed, I shot myself in the foot. Tummy hurt all night).
8. Eating dumplings and avocado (I am a Caribbean Princess, I thought this was a divine right).

Today is now day 18 and the progress I could've made will have to be made up by the end of the month. I realized that the last two weeks I did not giving it my all and temptation was leaning on my door bell the whole time. I know that the plan works because my feet haven't been swelling as much and I am not so as achy. The initial headaches have gone and my tummy rumbles sometimes so I think it's my body restting itself for the plan.

My PROBLEM is that I know what the possibilities are for everyone but myself. I always expect to get mundane results when it comes to me and with everyone else I was so accustomed to helping them achieve their goals. The new year started and I have had to cut ties from many things and people. I'm owning my mistakes for the past 17 days and recommitting myself to becomming a healthier, happier, sexier me.

Lastly, I know this post is borinly long, the picture above is what my boyfrind/bestfried wrote on a note that I had on the refriderator. I was about to leave for work at 11:40pm and went to get a bottle of water. What I saw brought me to tears and I was instantly uplifted, feeling a sense of motivation and affection that I haven't felt in a while. My sweetheart believed in me, it's about damn time I started believing in myself. I'm not going to sink, but I'll be damned if I live on an island and don't swim.

Learning to Swim,