Monday, 23 April 2012

Fire Under My Ass

So I haven't been posting like I intended. I'm annoyed with myself for that. Working overtime, trying to keep up with school, working more overtime and other challenges have just kept me away. I've been having a lot of issues with getting sleep and to be honest it's starting to show. My eyes are already huge and dark circles and bags do not look good on me.

Updates within the last few weeks include roadblocks, created by non other than myself. I have this very bad habit of snacking on non Medifast foods... Nature Valley Granola, Apple Jacks, Green Tea that's a little on the sweet side and all sorts of crap. A few weeks ago my boyfriend went away for a week and I missed him so bad that I ended up eating three Haagen Daz Cookies and Cream Bars within a 24hr. period! I consider myself the pitts!! Is this an excuse? Hell no, it's just an honest representation of the shit that I do, that I know I shouldn't.

Fortunately for me, I haven't gained, but my weightlos is slow, averaging about 2lbs a week. Imagine what could happen if I didn't eat off plan food.
I've heard from a few people that the difference can be seen in my neck, my double chin is gone (didn't even notice I had one) and my arms look a little smaller. My complaint, well not really a complaint is that I don't see any type of change. Now, I know based on my scale that I've lost at least 20lbs. I am certainly not complaining because I know that the weight is coming off even with my cheating. I know that there's also a high probability that even more would come of if I stick to the plan 100%. But I'm guessing my problem lies in the fact that I didn't realize just how weight I had gained.

Yesterday morning my boyfriend told me that he's happy for me and he can tell that I'm trying harder to not cheat. He's going to push me and treat me like a child until it becomes second nature. We have had lots of conversations where he praises me and tells me how good I'm looking and he's so excited for me. My attitude has just been ho-hum because my tank of a stomach is still occupying the front of me. I know it won't go away over night but I'm patiently waiting for the progress, I just don't see it yet.
So, Mr. decided to send me a picture of myself that was taken on a trip to the doctor last year October. When I opened the picture I couldn't wait to go home and kick his ass for even keeping it. I looked like someone stuck an airhose up my ass and aired me up just before I reached the peak of popping. Oh my God! When I got home he showed me some other pictures where you can tell that I was bigger (it shows in my face). I was mortified to say the least. Talk about fire under my ass to fly straight. As much as I wanted to cry, I appreciated it in a weird sense. I guess that opened the door for him to make fun of my weight and tell me, "Now that, was the really Chunki Munchi."

So, here's to trying even harder to stay on plan, getting in more exercise (walking isn't so bad) and finding more time for me. I'm lucky to still be losing while eating non plan foods. I don't want to be taking those risks anymore, nor do I suggest that anyone else try.


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