Not Gone or Forgotten

Hey Bloggers! I am deeply annoyed that I haven't been able to blog for the past few days. It's been way too long! But, I promise that I'll get right back on it as soon as this last few days of this difficult online course has passed. Toy :)

Push. Until. Something. Happens.

So yesterday's day five was a good day as far as the meals are concerned.  Well, not quite.  I had a grilled chicken salad for my lean and green, chicken and wild rice soup (I'm wondering if that's why my skin is itching), apple and cinnamon oatmeal, southwest style eggs, strawberry shake, and a banana pudding.  Once again, I will say that some of these would not make it to my reorder list.  Last night after eating the chicken and wild rice soup my skin started to itch.  I was really uncomfortable.  I'm not sure if something in it was the cause.  I'm not allergic to much.  The southwest style eggs are not gross, they are tolerable only until the box finishes.  The strawberry shake is also not going to make it to the next round.  I was also pretty energetic at work last night with the help of a green tea and lemon flavor infuser.

The depressing part of the day came when I stepped on the scale. I know that I said I wasn't going to weigh until 15th but the scale called out to me. I have not lost a single pound.  The scale actually says that I've gained (.2) bringing me up to 266.4lbs when I started at 266.2.  I felt like a train that ran off its tracks.  I wanted to cry, scream and throw the rest of my meals through the window and jump out right behind of it.  My first few days were rocky indeed but I guess with five days into the program I thought that I would've lost at least two pounds on the scale.  I felt so discouraged. 

I had to call my buddy Jewel to vent.  In the end I went to bed with a headache.  I woke up and went back on the damn scale just to see if it was a dream and the display showed 264.4  What the hell ever!  I'm trying really hard to stay positive, Iwasnt expecting to be feeling so defeated less than a week into my journey.  I had to go on YouTube to watch inspirational videos all over again.

With that day now in the past, I decided that I'm going Push Until Something Happens.  I started today with a dutch chocolate shake and I must say, that is the best liquid drink besides the hot cocoa that I like.  Those will definitely go on my next order.  Right now I'm having a chicken noodle soup as my job environment can be very cold when I'm on the night shift.  I still this soupd could use a bouillon cube.

I'm going to keep on pushing and if you like me, you should keep pushing too.  If you've been there then what the heck, pull me along ;)
                              Toy

I Survied Day Four :)

I'd like to put it out there that I didn't cheat at all today.  I am so excited by the fact that I stuck to the plan without having any urges and weaknesses.  Today was also my third attempt at a brownie and it came out perfect.  The first attempt I thought that if I added a little bit more water I would get a fluffy, cake type brownie. FAIL!  The second time I added a little less water and the thing still turned out like paste.  That's not even the bad part.  I still ate it, every pasty drop of it.  If I was thinking, I would've put it in the freezer and hoped for a frozen fudge treat.  I can see me ordering a few boxes of brownies for my next order. They are really good once prepared correctly.  The apple cinnamon oats are very good too.  I actually put in about two ounces of extra water and leave it sit for a while, microwave it again and I have sort of a oatmeal that's drinkable in my tea cup.  Trust, me, I'm not crazy.

The one meal that I really can't stand is the pancakes.  I even watched an interesting video on YouTube where a the pancake batter was microwaved three times at 20 second intervals.  The first time I tried it, it was just a bubbling foam. Obviously I wasn't going to eat that.  The second time around, I used less water and the texture was basically a mixture of paste and dough.  Well, sadly, I sucked it up and ate it while holding my breath. That was a long five minutes.  I don't think I will ever, ever ever, order those pancakes again.  Seems like I've been eating paste a lot.  Instead of swapping the two boxes that I have I might just make the batter with a little less water and hope it forms into cookie dough.

My "Do Not Order Again" list currently consists of the peanut butter crunch bar, the tropical fruit punch, the banana creme shake, and ofcourse those pancakes  I still can't get used to the peanute butter bar and the fruit punch tastes like something went wrong at the factory. I also have the banana pudding that I was afraid of after tasting the creme shake but it's not that bad.  I used water that was almost frozen to mix it and right away the consistency was almost exactly like regular pudding. I put it in a little tupperware and I'll have that before I go to bed tomorrow morning.

The chicken soups smells nice but i may have to add some bouillon cubes or Mrs. Dash as it's a little bland.  I still have yet to try the rest of my shakes which are the Dutch Chocolate, French Vanilla and Strawberry. Day by day I'm also growing concerned about those darn eggs, I'll try those in the morning when I get home.

As far as the foods that I don't like, my plan is to consume those until I get rid of them.  For example, I'll try each item once, put aside the ones that I like and scarf down the ones I don't.  I would probably do just fruit punch and banana creme shakes until they are done.  Then do the pancakes, puddings and eggs until those are gone too.  I'll try the shakes the day after tomorrow and then I'll know if I have to move those up or down the line.  This way, I get stronger by building self control and at the end of the month, I'll know what I love and be able to do the program without any more bumps.

Every thing else went smooth.  I got in about six cups of water today, nine short of my goal.  My intake is climbing each day so I believe that by the end of next week I'll be gulping like a fish. 

Striving for Success...
           Toy

It's not an Easy Road

Well, my day yesterday was very trying. I wanted to come on and blog my frustration but I had to get some rest to come in to work tonight. The first meal I had was a Peanut Butter Crunch Bar. It wasn't the best tasting thing but I decided I'm going to start out with the ones that I would probably hate the most. The second meal was a Banana Creme Shake, good Lord, I had to make it really thick because I don't think that I would've been able to drink it as a 'thin' liquid with just water. Next up I tried the Oatmeal and Raisin, my favorite thus far. Later on I tried the Original Pancakes, I had to force myself to eat these as they were quite horrible when prepared as directed. It was after that when I lost my strength and rummaged the fridge, eating three slices of turkey bologna and a cheese stick. Counting those calories added up to a little over the amount that is usually in one meal so I skipped the fifth meal. My Lean and Green meal sucked! I prepared a meal of Broccoli Normandy and a fillet of cod. Being from the islands I prefer my food to be seasoned at least a day in advance. To say that it was tasteless is an understatement. Cod fish has a texture that is more dense than other fish. I forced myself to eat that too. :( I must admit, I screwed up on my first day. With a few tweaks I hope that today will go better. I only drank about a little bottle and a half of water which is way less than I should've. I won't rummage the fridge today, hopefully. As per my doctor I'm supposed to continue taking my Metformin pills but I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling pretty out of it when I start taking those again. Metformin has that effect that makes you feel really sick. I did get a few headaches but nothing worse than I've been having for the past few months. I decided that I will only step on the scale on Wednesdays. I'm so fearful of disappointment, no weightloss. What I did manage to do in good favor was log each meal I ate using MyFitnessPal. For some reason it has my goal calories as 1400. Today I consumed 978. After completing my meal logs for the day it reminds me that I'm coming in very low under the recommended amount. It also said that if I continue on this pattern I would lose a total of ten pounds on five weeks? I'm interested to see what the loss will be when those five weeks come to an end. My peeves today? The Medifast app seems to be reminding me about meals every four hours vs. three. Maybe I can't count. Currently I'm pretending to enjoy the Chicken Noodle soup. It's not too bad but it could use a bouillon cube or four. I keep reminding myself of the reason I'm doing this. I keep saying I can't quit or give up. I keep seeing myself wearing the clothes that I wore years ago, when I loved my body. A dream deferred? Singing out... Toy :)

Last Day Before My Big Journey

Pardon my appearance.  I'm tired as hell, my camera sucks and I need a perm... And so what? So I decided that I'm going to start on the first of the month. I'm hoping to have a reason to celebrate a milestone at the first of every month rather than just looking forward to paying to rent.  In this video, I talk about how nervous I am and some of the things that I'm going to miss.  I'm about to go start separating my boxes into days so that I don't have to go digging every time I'm hungry.

My only concern is that I'm starting on the first but just a day later I'll be on the 12:00hrs to 09:00hrs shift and it may prove a little difficult to me in the beginning.

The quality of the webcam is highly unacceptable.  Makes me feel a little less pretty.  I'm hoping that I'll conquer that in a few.  I may try to get a better, updated or use my Kodak camera to film.  Bare with me in the meantime... and be nice.

Toy.. :)

Getting Ready to Roll...

In the next few days I’ll be mentally preparing to start Medifast. I have spent a year thinking about it and I think that the time is right. I’ve gained 17 pounds since this exact time last year.  My reasons for wanting to do it mainly fall along the lines of me being tired of being sick and tired of being fat.  I despise having to constantly smile like it doesn’t bother me when people comment on my weight.  Being from the islands, it happens as soon as I step out of my door.  I’m surpised that my reflection doesn’t have much to say.

I’ve searched on YouTube, different blogs and many different venues for results that could persuade me. I have seen a handful of success stories and let me tell you, seeing it on the internet is nothing like seeing it in person.  The only thing that bothered me about online research was it was easy to see before and after but I never saw much of what took place in between.  I never heard about the struggles as the weeks go by.  I’m looking for the reality of it. This is what prompted me to start setting up my blog… well that and the fact that I need somewhere to vent and get my other frustrations out.  If all goes well I plan to do weekly updates and even a video or two.  I’m camera shy so try not to laugh at my pictures.

Wishing myself luck on this journey, a wish or two from you would be helpful too. :)